Just Walk Out

The better the medicine, the more frequent the usage. As usage increases, the urge to increase dosage arises, and addiction settles. This is how addiction works in my mind, though I’m sure the reality doesn’t match up to my own perception. When I think of apathy, I consider it in the same way that I consider my bullshit theory for addiction. Apathy is needed in small doses; you can’t care about everything, to try is a fruitless and maddening task. In the same vein, caring about nothing is as equally as terrible. Apathy breeds sloth and sloth breeds the other ‘a’: atrophy. I of course, say these things with the same ignorant confidence that I present my “addiction theory,” however in my own experiences this is what I’ve found to be true.

There is a curious image I’ve found that relates to my experiences with Apathy. It features a skeleton in a running position, with a light blue gradient in the background. At the top, it’s titled with “JUST WALK OUT” with the subtext: “You can leave!!!” To the left of the skeleton, various situations are listed out: “Work, social thing, movies, home, class, dentist, clothes shoppi, too fancy weed store, cops if your quick, friend ships.” Finally at the bottom lies the call phrase: “If it sucks…. Hit da bricks!! - Real winners quit!” My friend Brenn and I have discussed the meaning behind this humorous image at length. Brenn focuses on the ending line, “real winners quit.” His interpretation of the joke is that in western society, there is an expectation that you never give up on anything. For example, dropping out of college is seen as one of the ultimate failures in America, even if it’s the necessary or best course of action. As for myself, I take it in the more literal sense. Fear of missing out is a very real thing, and often times you can find yourself in situations where you aren’t enjoying yourself, but are staying because you feel a sense of obligation. This is especially prominent in some of the friendships I’ve been in where I stay connectected to people because it was simply the easiest course of action, even when those friendships weren’t good for me.

In both of these cases, the decisions are affected by the ultimately meaningless perception that other people will have of us. In order to avoid these sorts of situations, there needs to be a nugget of apathy available to lean on. If people think less of you for doing something that you truly believe needs to be done, that’s their problem. At least, that’s the way I choose to live my life.